God sure knew what He was doing when He sent me to T and M. He knew I would thrive with parents who supported me but did not stifle me. They have opinions about the world, events, and only occasionally about my life. I've had nearly complete freedom to flesh out my own life without the "shoulds" ("you should do this") or the "remembers" ("now, remember that..."). My mother especially is long overdue for an overwhelming thank you for caring immensely but never projecting her unfulfilled dreams on me. She's selflessly never monopolized me or my attentions and I've spent many years wishing my mom had been more involved in my life. Yet today it became evident that my mom is perfect. Perfect for me. Most mothers and daughters occupy about half the circle. My mom has meekly occupies as large a piece of the pie as I allow and when I seek her and her opinions and hopes and happenings out, I am richly rewarded by a brave, witty, saintly woman who has triumphed in her own way.
I hope as a mom someday I can "get out of the way" as she's done and truly put my children first and not my own judgments. 10 weeks early: Happy Mothers' Day my one and only Mother!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day 1
We never envy our own lives. Perhaps because we're mired in the mundaneness of it (this inaugural post is written after spending 40 of the past 48 hours in bed with a raging cold). Or because we are well aware of the potholes, patheticities (it's a word now!), and partialities of our own lives. I mean partialities like "I've completed part of that" or "I'm part of who I want to be" not "I'm partial to Phish Food Ice Cream and all flavors of pizza and electric guitar". Although we know those too.
While we know the inadequacies of our own lives like we know the final price of our favorite dollar menu item at Wendy's we know our adequacies and marvelties (also a word as of NOW) like we know the airline bump policy. I have HEARD of people getting sweet upgrades and free flights by being willing to be bumped to a later flight but I have NEVER had this opportunity or seen it happen in real life. Like this I also realize that because the Greatest made me I must have some marvelous contours of my soul. But I know very few of them and spend pathetically few moments looking for them.
No more! That's right folks. I'm changing today. Not that I'm going to leap from bed cured from my possible-first-bout with bronchitis or strep throat or pneumonia or who knows what and start a non-profit this second. But I am starting to think differently TODAY. I'm thinking differently about my weaknesses and shortcomings and my delightful uniquenesses and the richness of my life. MY life. It's mine and that counts for a lot. I'm going to start celebrating me for ME, not me for outside accolades or for external approval but honestly friends, how much differently would you treat yourself if you were your own best friend? Starting today I am my biggest cheerleader. Sometimes this will involve some constructive criticism but if the pervading emotion in the criticism is "I know you and I see the better in you" this criticism becomes a motivating power for GOOD and HAPPINESS. Can you tell I like all caps? Yup. I do. I DO!
Envying my own life means recognizing the blessings I'm all too familiar with from a different angle. Starting with a blessing: My job. I love what I do. I am remarkably un-micro-managed, truly rare for a large (technically government) institution. I show up when I want between 7 and 9 and leave after working 8-9 hours. I'm challenged and stimulated and rewarded by my co-workers. From the outside and now from inside this is a high-level career working with high-level professionals and gaining great experience. AC always calls me a happy career girl and that's pretty much what I am. I make good money and live a good life.
While we know the inadequacies of our own lives like we know the final price of our favorite dollar menu item at Wendy's we know our adequacies and marvelties (also a word as of NOW) like we know the airline bump policy. I have HEARD of people getting sweet upgrades and free flights by being willing to be bumped to a later flight but I have NEVER had this opportunity or seen it happen in real life. Like this I also realize that because the Greatest made me I must have some marvelous contours of my soul. But I know very few of them and spend pathetically few moments looking for them.
No more! That's right folks. I'm changing today. Not that I'm going to leap from bed cured from my possible-first-bout with bronchitis or strep throat or pneumonia or who knows what and start a non-profit this second. But I am starting to think differently TODAY. I'm thinking differently about my weaknesses and shortcomings and my delightful uniquenesses and the richness of my life. MY life. It's mine and that counts for a lot. I'm going to start celebrating me for ME, not me for outside accolades or for external approval but honestly friends, how much differently would you treat yourself if you were your own best friend? Starting today I am my biggest cheerleader. Sometimes this will involve some constructive criticism but if the pervading emotion in the criticism is "I know you and I see the better in you" this criticism becomes a motivating power for GOOD and HAPPINESS. Can you tell I like all caps? Yup. I do. I DO!
Envying my own life means recognizing the blessings I'm all too familiar with from a different angle. Starting with a blessing: My job. I love what I do. I am remarkably un-micro-managed, truly rare for a large (technically government) institution. I show up when I want between 7 and 9 and leave after working 8-9 hours. I'm challenged and stimulated and rewarded by my co-workers. From the outside and now from inside this is a high-level career working with high-level professionals and gaining great experience. AC always calls me a happy career girl and that's pretty much what I am. I make good money and live a good life.
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